Humour

Cybercafé Wahala

 

 Hello dearies, how have y'all been? Hectic week for most I guess. Same here. Sorry for my silence. You know how it is having to do so much at a time.

Well, well, all we can say is thank God we are alive and TGIF!!! Whoop! Flexing  things.

I've got a little humour for you today. Use this to wait on 4:00pm or 6:00pm. Depending on when your working hours are officially over.

Here's one from one of our very own award winning writers, Frances, read as she shares a real life experience of...I don't know who. Lol! Enjoy..

Cybercafé Wahala

A few years ago when I was 19, I was among those many teenagers who had no access to a computer and the few times we saw one was in a cybercafé or in a hostel room where a rich girl lived.

We had just vacated from Nigerian French Village, Badagry, for the first semester holiday. I needed to send mails to my friends and also access my Facebook account which I hadn't checked since I opened it.

I wore a pair of brown knickers and a pink blouse. I was a tomboy, my fashion sense was laughable and I was very plump. My 'bum bum' was larger than the rest of my body and now that I'm slimmer, I wonder if men stopped me in those days because I was beautiful or just because my bum was big enough.

I walked into the cybercafé without smiles, trying hard to kill my bashfulness as some guys stared at me…at my buttocks. I paid 200naira for the browsing time and even the cybercafé's male receptionist stared mouth agape at my chest. I didn't like it.

After I put the code and clicked to log in, it seemed to be the only thing I knew how to do.

00.59

I had forgotten which the browsing icon was. I clicked the 'start' button and it displayed many programs. 'Microsoft word' looked familiar. I knew I had seen it before so I clicked on it. The displayed page told me that I made a wrong choice. I touched the left button on the mouse and everything disappeared, leaving me with the laptop home screen.

00.45

After so much hesitation, trial and error and nervousness, I swallowed my pride and signaled to one of cybercafé attendants. He was light complexioned and I had a soft spot for 'half albinos'. He came to my table and fiddled the mouse, and then he stared at me in surprise. He was shocked that I hadn't done anything since I sat there. He must have thought that I was daft or something. He opened the Internet Explorer for me and walked away.

00.40

I was excited when the long sought page opened and all the 'http' and 'www' lined up in different boxes. I would send a mail to Maureen Nwachukwu. I had always wanted to be her friend and we finally became close. Faith, my bestie, and I, weren't in best of terms at the time but I would still communicate with her. I would check Facebook and know exactly what the famous website was all about.

00.35

I clicked frantically on the mouse button as I sought for the perfect space to check my mail from. Every click I did took me to other strange pages. The girl that was seated beside me kept looking at me as I continuously hit the mouse on the desk with irritation.

"Network" I muttered in indirect explanation when her glances became consistent.

00.15

There was nothing else I could achieve so I clicked on the start button and opened Microsoft word. I clicked on every icon visible and even pretended to type by randomly touching the keyboard.

00.05 Remaining!

It must have been another one hour before the remaining minutes were exhausted. I stood and walked out of the cybercafé, avoiding glances. 200naira was a lot of money. I went home and cried myself to sleep.

Frances Kodili-Joe